It’s a big, big world..

Wow. I legitimately forgot I have a WordPress account. That’s really quite sad.. I feel like my inner blogger has been so put down and neglected she just doesn’t even know what to do anymore.

What do I do with my hands? How type? What topic? 

But somehow we’ll make it through this, and despite the fact I have to work in the morning, probably end up writing a far too long post about something nobody else cares about. Eh, why not right? 

This week has been the most confusing and conflicting of my entire life. Not only was I forced to choose between Psych and The Office for my number one favorite TV show, but everything I seem to have learned about life in high school turned out to be completely false. I’m not even technically out of high school yet, and I feel like I’ve been thrown into the real world without so much as a safety rope to keep me anchored. 

Your teenage years are all about “experiencing life” and “finding yourself”, but really, how much finding and experiencing can you do when you spend 90% of your time under the careful watch of an adult or the scrutiny of 25 peers? The answer is hardly any at all. Honestly I learned more about myself the first weekend I spent completely alone with people I didn’t know than through all of grade school. 

I think real learning comes from realizing that anything is possible, even the not so good stuff. I admit, sometimes while casually driving through town singing my heart out to Sweet Home Alabama with the windows down I’m struck with the fact that I could run over that elderly pedestrian (not that I EVER would). But seriously. While chopping the cucumbers for a salad I realize I could chop off my left pinky finger if I really wanted to. Maybe these thoughts make me crazy, but they’ve helped me come to terms with life. I might not be able to control hardly anything that happens to me, but I can control me. If I want to be more outgoing, I can do that. Professional rock climber? Better start with that mountain there.  Be one of the few people who know every word to One Week by the Barenaked Ladies? Done. My life, in the end, is about me.. and if i’m not the person I want to be nothing else is gonna seem right.

Lately nothing has seemed right, and I honestly have no clue what I want besides a strawberry milkshake and this Matchbox Twenty album to download on my iPod. But I know that things will turn out, and that i’m having the best time of my life with some of the coolest people I’ve ever known. If this is the chaos of the teenage years, it’s entirely worth it. 

Sometimes things don’t make sense, sometimes they hurt, but it’s all a part of the ride.


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